Mother's wise-words

Things a Japanese mother wouldn't say

“Stop dragging you feet”
It seems that the Japanese have a definite approach to mooching around the office.  It’s a kind of lazy shuffle; of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone, but it’s very noticeable in a number of cases.  I wondered why it was until I realised that it’s a combination of factors.  Firstly, the shoes that are worn for indoors are typically slipper-like with no-backs.  This means with a shuffle you are less likely to lose a shoe.  The other reason, and I have no evidence of it, is that if you spent 15 hours a day at your desk 6 days a week for 10 years or more, then you lose the ability to stride.  This observation has been strengthened with the apparent age-to-shuffle ratio being constant.  I.e. the older you get the more you shuffle.

“Don’t talk with your mouthful”
There is no problem having a conversation whilst eating food at the same time.  Mastication and communication are not mutually exclusive, and time is of the essence.  I can understand that there’s no real logical reason why eating and talking at the same time as being rude; apart from the expulsion of semi-chewed foodstuffs that is.  However, this rule does appear to be in contravention of the “bodily emissions are bad” (e.g. sneezing – see below, “Don’t sniff, blow your nose”).


“Don’t slurp, it’s rude”
Have you tried eating a bowl of noodles in hot soup without actually falling foul of the “infinite noodle situation”?  What do you do?  Do you bite and hope the discarded noodles don’t make a large splash-back into the soup?  Or do you suck up?  If you suck up without the addition of air (i.e. without slurping) then you are likely to create a whiplash effect.  As the noodle reaches its ultimate destination it decides to flick and spin like a loose garden hose splashing hot soup over your crisp, white shirt and a fair percentage of your colleagues.  

Slurping is the mechanism for controlled noodle intake without mess.  It’s not rude – it’s required.

“Keep your bowl on the table when you are eating from it”
Please refer to noodle pitfalls outlined above.  

In addition to the noodle-exploits, please also note that the likelihood of dropping food over the table whilst using eating implements that cannot actually contain your comestible is directly proportional to the time it takes for that comestible to travel from dish to face.  The likelihood of dropping the food over the table is also proportional to the speed at which the food is transported to your mouth; you can quickly see that the only option is to reduce the distance between plate and mouth.  This can be achieved by leaning closer to the dish, bringing the dish closer to your face, or preferably a combination of the two.

“Don’t sniff.  Blow your nose”
The Japanese that I have met so far are some of the most considerate and kind people I have ever come across.  There seems to be a real sense of a common purpose and community – even if that community is based around the office.  It is therefore, no surprise that this considerate nature extends into many different areas of life.  For example, it is not rude to sniff when you have a blocked nose.  It is better to inhale rather than exhale the cause of the blockage on to a piece of paper which you would then deposit into your colleague’s waste paper basket.  If you consider this, and then become aware of the fact that during the “flu season”, fifty-thousand commuters per day catch the virus (due to their proximity to each other on the trains), you soon understand this approach to cold-containment.  Furthermore, it is even less surprising when you see people in the streets wearing gauze face masks.