So, what are the keys to happiness? As someone who on a frequent basis takes downturns I have thought long and hard about why depression and unhappiness can consume. Turning it on its head, I then wondered what drives people and gives them satisfaction a feeling of happiness.
If you are reading this on your personal computer at home or at work, then you are probably someon who is fortunate... I am not assuming that your life is perfect or that you were gifted with perfect health, but I am assuming that you have time to relax, enjoy yourself and importantly do not have to spend the whole of your life trying to feed yourself and family - concerned with where the next meal may come from. In short, you are someone who probably has time to contemplate things.
So, what's this got to do with happiness? Who knows? When thinking about this, I thought I would try and look at other aspects of people's lives and try to understand what drives them... or may be what drives me. I thought about things that people get addicted to, and I wondered why they get addicted and whether this is linked to the pursuit of satisfaction or happiness. Take an addictive computer game - in fact, take nearly all addictive computer games - what is the common factor in these games? I believe that the common factor is effort resulting in achievement and reward. Whether this is
Tetris where the playing is rewarded for skillfully placing blocks by a satisifying removal of a complete line of blocks (thus moving away from disaster and the Tetris screen being completely filled up with them) or even something like
Doom or Quake where the player is gets a sense of satisfaction (happiness?) from actually managing to hit a target with the appropriate weapon. These are small, repeatable achievements where the player had to apply some dexterity and therefore expend effort. Is there a clue to constant happiness here? Does this apply to everything in life - where effort and reward (achievement) produce satisfaction? Is this what drives us? I believe it is. We try to do things that give us satisfaction, but very often forget that the things which will give us most satisfaction require the expense of something personal - whether it is physical, emotional or mental. Conquering fears require enormous emotional expense, but the relief and satisfaction once the fear has been faced can be enormous.
Hence, key to happiness #1 is:
Set yourself small, maybe repeatable, targets every day that require some personal expense. Whether this means exercising for half-an-hour or playing a game of solitaire to conclusion (careful with that one because you may not succeed!). Make sure that you do something you know gives you a sense of achievement - for me today, it is catching up on the blogging and writing that I want to pursue - and when I have finished this tonight I'll feel better than if I hadn't bothered.
A linked key to happiness (#2) - almost the antipathy of #1 - is the avoidance of instant gratification. You haven't committed anything personally to this (even if it is chocolate) - these will only lead to a temporary uplift which I find is usually compensated for with a down side later on. It is easy to see how people become addicted to instant gratification. This could be in the form of gambling, the lead in to chemical dependence (coffee, nicotine, alcohol, cocaine!) or simply getting a take-away! I understand that this may be a debatable point and possibly confused with key #1 ("what's the difference between getting enjoyment from watching a TV program to getting enjoyment from taking an hour out of your day to draw something, or write a poem?"). The key difference is achievement. Both will give a sense of satisfaction - but one is more permenant than the other, and the achievement is less likely to be followed by downside or, even worse, the thought that it is easy to obtain 'free gratification' on a regular basis with no personal skin in the game.
Santimonious? Probably, but it is something that I have started to feel myself - not that I have put into practice to a large extent yet.
So, small, regular efforts and rewards help happiness. Is that all? Surely, life isn't lived on a day to day set of goals? Humankind wouldn't have achieved much if every goal it pursued was truncated at a 12 or 24 boundary! Taking the presumption that I have made about achievement, and noticing how emotional a sportsman can become when facced with victory or defeat after months or even years of training it is fairly clear to me that long-term achievements can also provide a sense of happiness - although I am unclear as to their lasting value. However, it feels correct to me that we should provide ourselves with longer term objectives, but definitely take regular, achievable steps towards those objectives.
Start and end each day positively. At the start of the day, you have no idea what is going to happen, but you can think about some of the things that you want to do and want to achieve. If washing the car fills you with a sense of lethargy (it does me) then think positively and imagine what it feels like to stand back and see the transformation that took place - the mud splattered embarassment becomes a shining object of pride (if that's your bag!). If you can't face weeding the garden, then think about how nice it'll look after you have weeded it. Surely that would provide sufficient motivation to get to that point - and when you do, it'll be worth it.
The same goes for the end of the day. We all have as many bad days as good ones, but there is always something good comes out of a day. It may take a little while to find it, but believe me, it is there - even if it is the simple thought that you survived! Take some time before going to sleep to think about something good from the day. Go to sleep satisfied and relaxed and I believe that you are more likely to wake up that way in the morning.
That's it for now. So, come on, shout out and argue the toss with me! Am I being to simplistic? Have I contradicted myself? What about friends, family, helping others, the greater good. What else makes people happy? What about the things that make you unhappy but are beyond your control - like long-term illness, stress at work or a sense of loneliness - where do they fit in?
